Permanent Coats

by Caleb Smith

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1.
05:31
2.
3.
02:15
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
02:25
9.
01:23
10.
01:20

about

I wrote and recorded these songs during a very pivotal, and exceptionally depressing, time in my life. This compilation of songs is a testament of the roller coaster of emotions I experienced, and the various phases I went through, over a period of about six weeks from April to June 2012.

Some of these songs are incomplete; more polished versions of songs will probably be included in some subsequent release. However, I am content releasing this record in it's current form because I feel that delaying the release indefinitely would hinder, and likely distort, the raw nature of emotion these songs were intended to convey.

credits

released June 29, 2012

Thanks to Josh Sorrells for gracing this record with his masterful whistling abilities and backing vocals on tracks 1 and 3.

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about

Caleb Smith Clemson, South Carolina

Caleb Smith is an American singer-songwriter.

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Track Name: In the Yard
First off,
you are on your own.
Where the hell were you
when I was all alone?
Secondly,
get up off your knees.
Oh God you look so damn pathetic
and you can hardly breath.

I met you in the yard;
tears were streaming all across your face.
You said you lost something
you can't replace.

Oh how the moments fade.
Oh how we struggle to
erase the things we've made.

I know what it feels like
watching someone die
and holding on to fleeting breaths
you selfishly supply.
I kissed you on the mouth and
you told me this was it;
I made you a promise
and you pretended to believe I'd keep it.
Oh how the moments fade.
Oh how we struggle to
erase the things we've made.
Oh how we will replace
the things we once held so close to our face.

So take your truth and run.
Hold it close to your heart.
Don't let anyone
tear it apart.

Oh how the moments fade.
Oh how we struggle to
erase the things we've made.
Oh how it seems to be the case,
we've spent our whole lives searching for
something we lost along the way.

Let's go back to where we started out.
We're looking for answers
to all the wrong questions.
So let's go back and retrace all our steps.
I see the truth is so clear now;
and I can't let you go.
Track Name: Five Minutes Longer
Don’t sweat it.
Rest your head.
It’ll get better.
And you’ll be happy
long be you’re dead.

When I met you,
you were just a little girl.
As the years past,
you added substance
to my empty world.
Now we’re older.
We’re closed certain doors.
I am weaker.
And you are not
as harmless as before.

Now, all I see is you.
Still, all I see is you.

Five minutes longer
is all you ever want.
And five years later
you don’t know where
the hell the years have gone.

I miss you
but I know
that I can’t have you.
I miss you
but I can never be with you
again.
Track Name: Painter
I want to be a painter
but you are not a canvas,
and love
is not a brush.
We are only human
and humans have weaknesses;
and we
unfortunately includes both of us.

I want to be a carpenter
but this is not a building
that can't be destroyed;
there are things you can't avoid.
I wish that I could show you
the way that I see you.
But words will fail
and pictures are never quite to scale.

I don't want to live like this
(for too long).
I don't want to let you go
(at least not yet).
Don't make me live like this.
(I want to feel you back in my arms)
Don't make me let you go
(forever, no).
Track Name: Bury My Bones
Bury my bones
and I’ll sing you to sleep—
not like I used to;
this time I mean what I say
when I say it;
don’t make me repeat myself
anymore than I already have.

Dig me up
when the timing is right.
Dust me off.
Look at what I have become.
Track Name: Permanent Coats
We appeared out of nowhere
and fortuitously we evolved.
We’ve gotten to know ourselves better,
or at least we’re more aware of our flaws.

I’m almost convinced it was your fault,
and you’re convinced that I’m a liar.
I sure as hell didn’t light that match.
But it’s possible I caught you on fire.

I’ll be gone by the afternoon.
But I’ll still be thinking of you.
You’ll remember me for the things I’ve done
not the things I wanted to do.

I’m the table where you wrote our love
and past the pages you bled through.
In my rotting wood lies truth that you never could face
though it chased you and finally bit you.

We used to run around naked
while they dressed up in their fanciful clothes.
Our quiet reasoning is much too loud—
made up of poignant echoes.

I will fight the good fight
whatever the hell that means.
Our permanent coats are much too dirty
for any amount of scrubbing to wash them clean.

In the garden where we made our home,
I plant a seed and bury you.
Out of my cradle, I lye in your grave,
still mesmerized by illusions of truth.

You said our mistakes make us stronger.
But what really have we learned.
I sure as hell didn’t light that match
but I sat by and watched you burn.
Track Name: Don't Give In
You sat on the corner.
You were holding your head in your hands.
The moon framed your body
in a way I can’t forget.
I asked, “Can I help you?”
You said, “I doubt it, but you can try.
I’ve travelled such a long way
to reach a destination that I despise.”
Don’t worry darling; don’t give in.
Just get back on your feet and start again.

We painted a picture
of our lives when we were young.
And looking at it now,
oh, how the colors they have run.
And our friends they all tell us
that we really don’t stand a chance,
that the only thing that’s certain is that
everything ends with disappointment.

But don’t worry lover, we are blessed.
And we’ve got all the freedom to make
decisions for ourselves.
The only thing that’s certain is that
I do love you, and I always have.
Track Name: Never Let You Go
I put you in my pocket
and I never took you out
It's not that I meant to
I just couldn't shake my doubts

And I will never let you go
I will never let you go

There's a hole in my pocket
and you're slipping through it now
I'm trying to live without you
but I don't remember how

I will never let you go
but I can never let you know
(that I'm lost without you)

I'm just a piece of paper
and I can't erase your ink
I don't want to say it
I don't even want to think
(about anything)
There is consolation
in pretending not to feel
But if this was fake
then tell me what the hell is real
I guess I should be happy
now I can go through with all my plans
I don't want to say it
but I don't even know who I am
(without you)
This is just what happens, right?
We're only human; this is only foresight.
But if this was false,
then what the hell is true?
If this is me,
then who the hell are you?
Track Name: Sinker
Wait.
Lay down slow.
The people we’ve been
do not resemble who we’ll be tomorrow.
I wish you’d go away.
I wish I could escape from you
and the things you do and the words you say
but I can’t.
I probably never will.
You’re so ingrained in me
that to destroy you is to destroy myself.

Sometimes
it’s easy just to speak.
The only time I don’t think
of you with him is when you’re with me.
But it’s poison to the touch.
It’s only temporary.
It’s a drug; it’s a fix; it’s a crutch.
But I don’t know how to swim.
You might disagree
but I think I’d rather float forever than sink
Track Name: My House
Get the hell out of my house.
You used to be my friend, well fuck you too.
Get the hell out of my house.
I’m angry as hell; I’ve got a gun in my hand;
don’t make me shoot.
Words are just words.
But when everything got quiet
your knife was all I heard.
Track Name: Walk Slow
Walk slow
as you trample on my hope.
We’re suffocating slowly
and we don’t even know.

I’m scared of being lonely
but I’m even more afraid
of being alone.